开头段要素回顾

　　1 回答问题
　　2 解释
　　3 结构提示

　　1.Does fame bring happiness, or are people who are not famous more likely to be happy?

　　学生文章
　　In my opinion, though the joy of life depends entirely on personal view to the world, fame are easier to bring happiness than ordinary people.

　　问题：
　　1 .这个句子的“虽然但是”之间的逻辑有问题。
　　2 .fame不可数，比较对象有问题。

　　修改：From my point of view, it is easier for the wealthy to obtain happiness than ordinary people.

　　Due to fame people can earn enough money to do whatever they would like to do. However, ordinary person may be worried about starvation and medical expense. I will take my friend for an example.

　　问题：
　　1. whatever 太绝对。
　　2. however, 这个词表示但是，主要用作插入语。表示但是还可以用By contrast, on the contrary。
　　3. 举例子的词组单调了，a good case in point is that…; A typical/perfect/convincing/persuasive example can be found in …; to illustrate 等等都可以表示要举例子。

　　修改：体现对比(选择类)
　　Fame could render a person more able to earn money so as to do things that he really prefers. By contrast, an ordinary man may have to struggle with various difficulties resulting from poverty, which discourages him from doing things that could really improve his sense of happiness.

　　2.Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame and power?
　　这是一个比较难的题目，良心还是钱？写这个题目大部分同学的问题就是比较空。
　　给大家一些思路，做新东方的老师也面对良心和钱的对抗。是为了赚钱多讲段子，还是时刻谨记师德好好讲干货。我觉得赚钱的喜悦时短暂的，讲好知识遵循师德做事的快乐才是长久的。

　　学生文章
　　1）In my opinion, conscience is a more powerful motivator than money, fame or money, as conscience is a guiding star hiding deeply inside our mind and a rule set by ourselves leading us to a place where we should be.

　　分析：其实写的不错了，很有意境美，但是意思还可以更明确。

　　修改：
　　1. I maintain that conscience does have a more powerful motivation compared with money and fame.
　　2. Admittedly, people who work for wealth and reputation may have a greater chance of experiencing advantages when they start out. However, it is what one does according to one’s conscience that determines long-term life satisfaction.
　　3. The example of a teacher in Beijing New Oriental School serves as a typical example.

　　2）As far as I am concerned, conscience does have more powerful motivation. It is considered as a standard of reality and can easily be shown. (太绝对) I always keep my conscience in mind so that I never （有点执拗的可爱）cheat in the tests. I want to get higher goals, but I cannot leave my conscience behind.

　　分析：很可爱的同学，她是个很有良心的人，尽管想拿高分。不管从说理角度说个人因素太强了点，会显得有些幼稚。

　　修改：Conscience serves as a morality standard in almost every student’s heart.
　　To be more specific, if you comply with the rule of exam, you may feel clear and comfortable. But when you violate it, your guilt might haunt you forever despite the initial happiness brought by cheating.

3. Are people’s lives the result of the choices they make?

　　学生习作
　　1）I agree with the opinion that people’s lives are the result of the choices that make.
　　Once a wise man said, “It’s your choice that makes your life different from others.”
　　I once made a choice to be an exchange student to U.S. for a year. And then my life was totally changed.

　　分析：第二句的道理部分用名言来论证是不太好的方法，考官想看的是你的思路。
　　建议把名言跳到句首，只做吸引用。

　　2) In general, people’s lives are greatly influenced by the outcomes from the choices they ever make. Otherwise, their choices will be pointless. （意思比较晦涩）
　　In fact, although minor choices are often negligible, others can be profound to one’s experience. Take myself as an example.

　　分析：这个同学的道理实在不好理解。

　　修改第二句:
　　Though teenagers may run into great difficulties hard to change, a majority of them are brave enough to make their own decision, challenging the mission impossible. Accordingly, following their own will, students are more likely to succeed in the future.

　　优秀范文(Catherine):
　　1 回答问题From my point of view, people are not always free to make their own choice.
　　2 解释As teenagers, we are destined to meet the pressure exerted by our parents, teachers and peers. And sometimes, it is the expectations from these people that drive us to go on a road contrary to our original plan.
　　3 结构提示 One of my friend in high school, whose future is preordained by his parents, serves as a typical example.

　　4. Does fame bring happiness or are people who are not famous more likely to be happy?

　　学生习作
　　1）I consider that fame does not bring true happiness.

　　It is generally accepted that most of the famous people suffer from 1public pressure and 2desires for better (a better life), which force them to aspire after a greater achievement and fame, while the ordinary, 3（with comparatively lower goals）, can fulfill their dreams and reach their satisfaction 4easier.

　　Take the life of Nepalese as an example.

　　分析：
　　1 2点太多，压力和欲望多最好只写一个。
　　名人不快乐，如果想写的是承受公众压力就应该写有狗仔啊，隐私暴露这面。
　　如果是欲望多，就写自己是名人，目标高这块。

　　3对比的思想是很精彩的，只是如果没有加粗的文字存在，论证就不够严密。
　　4 应该换成副词。

　　修改：
　　版本一 要求高
　　People with fame usually set higher goals for themselves than ordinary people. Thus they may have higher expectation of themselves and suffer from more pressure.
　　On the other hand, ordinary people, with simple needs, are more likely to be content with his status quo and therefore live a happier life.

　　版本二 压力大
　　I support the idea that it is more likely for people who are not famous to be happy.

　　A majority of people have great interest in the private life of celebrities, thereby leading to the frequent invasion of their privacy by some paparazzi. Feeling unsecured, famous people are less likely to feel happy than ordinary people.

　　Now, I would like to take a piece of old news of a TV star in Taiwan as a typical example.

5. Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves?

　　学生习作：
　　In my opinion, identity is just something people create for themselves.

　　People all born the same, their identities, just like their names, are just what they are given.

　　For better illustration, I will take my father as the instance.

　　分析：粗体部分的问题是语法的问题，更重要的是逻辑的问题。
　　改同学的原意是表达人生来一样（值得商榷的），但是后来变得不一样的，所以个性一定就是后天创造的。但可惜的是表达出的句子意思没有到位，有点中国人写作说一点留一点对方想的意味，这是很恐怖的。

　　修改：
　　Admittedly, family background plays a crucial role when one starts out his life.
　　But it is what one experiences later in his life that finally shapes his character.
　　To be more specific, failures render you more determined.